Tomorrow....

I bet you have the same thought that I do....where did the weekend go? Sometimes it seems like Monday through Thursday just drags on.  Then, along comes the weekend and the seconds can't go fast enough.  Well, tomorrow finds most of us going back to work. It is, in fact, something to be thankful for.  It is so common to hear of layoffs and the difficulties of finding a job that we really need to count our blessings if we have a job to report to. 

Tomorrow is my second day of orientation for my new/old job.  I am considered a "new" employee since I had a break in employement, so I have to go through the new employee orientation. It actually isn't too bad.  I have made some new acquaintences and that makes it all worthwhile. 

I also have to go back to the hospital tomorrow for further testing since my mammogram came back showing that "density" thing. I am a bit nervous about that. Again, I know, probably nothing to be concerned about.  I guess I am just a worry wart. I am already feeling anxious about next week's colonoscopy and I haven't even gotten through tomorrow's test yet. I told my guy tonight that I dislike going through this stuff by myself.  I miss having someone sitting beside me in the waiting room, holding my hand and whispering in my ear, "it's going to be alright." I'll miss squeezing his hand as they stick my arm with the needle in order to prepare for the i.v. and sedation. I'll miss seeing him as they wheel me to the back for the procedure and then again, when I wake up. I'll miss that tender, loving, care that only that special, special someone can give.  But, like all things, I'll get through it.  I'm a big girl, after all.  But, just for the record, I still don't like it!

The one thing I do have to look forward to is this....17 days!!!  17 days and I'll have a little piece of heaven in a big, chilly, cold city.  I'll finally be with my man again!  It's been three months since the last time we were together and I am so looking forward to this. I even have my countdown to the second on my cell phone.  It's going to be a bit busy since I'll have some friends visiting but it should be lots of fun.  Plus, we'll be celebrating three years!  It doesn't seem that long at all.  It's like only yesterday that I was trying desperately to get his attention, practically jumping up and down in front of him.  Just joking, I wasn't really jumping up and down.  Although, I did have to work at getting his attention and as a last resort, intiating the conversation...ok, ok, making "the move."  In the end, it was all worth it.  We've made it this far!

So, in order for me to get there (my visit), I have to go through a few more tomorrows.  I have to get through a few more tests. Time has to drag on and/or pass by fast.  In order to get there, life has to go on. 

TMI...Too Much Information

It's hard for me to explain where I am right now. I know that my feelings and thoughts are a bit over the top because I am PMS'ing. More information than you need to know, right? It happens though, normal to every woman, and even every poor man, for surely he has been a victim of PMS at some point in his life.

For starters, I am a little nervous.  I have been catching up on my yearly medical exams. It began with the physical and blood work.  Thankfully, that all came back "remarkably good", except for being anemic.  However, that doesn't come as a surprise since I have been anemic all of my life.  After that, the next tests were a mammogram and the dreaded pap smear. It takes almost a week or so to get the pap smear results back, so I'll sit on pins and needles until I get the notice in the mail, or the dreaded phone.

I actually had the dreaded phone call on Friday regarding my mammogram.  I had just went in on Friday morning for that test and by late that afternoon, my doctor was calling me.  Therefore, I am a tad bit worked up. It's probably nothing to worry about.  My man has assured me that there is nothing wrong with me.  I am going to be around to give him grief for lots of years, he says. Goodness, I hope that is true! I have to go in for an ultrasound because of the "density." I would have went back on Friday but they said I didn't have to rush in (that has to mean something good?) but more importantly, the lab was already closed.  So, I'll have to wait until tomorrow to schedule that test. I have been reading different articles that say the timing of a woman's cycle can affect the test results of a mammogram. I am praying that is indeed the case.  I am trying to have only good, positive thoughts and not dwell on it much.  It doesn't do me any good to fret. I need to leave it all in God's hands...but, I can't help but think of it from time to time.

Then, to top it off, I have the most wanted test of all time scheduled for next week, the colonoscopy. Yippee!!! As much as I would really like to put it off, I can't.  I have the AFAP (attenuated familial adenomatous polyposis) gene and those tests are given more often than one would like.

Yet, as much as I get nervous about all these tests, I know, too, that I am so blessed to have good doctors and insurance.  I am so, so blessed!! I am even more blessed because I have my man that listens to me and doesn't get upset when I go on one of my PMS emotional tirades, especially if it deals with my health.  He is so much more positive than me, in that respect. I love that about him!

In the meantime, I just keep praying and hoping.....

Acceptance

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.  Sam Levenson

Isn't this so true? Those first few weeks and months of a new relationship, you are so engrossed in each other.  Everything is cute and adorable.  You overlook the fact that he leaves the toilet seat up causing you to "fall in" when it's your time to go. He takes time to explain his favorite sport and enjoys answering the questions that surely arise, even if it is the second or third time doing so. He enjoys taking you out, looking beautiful on his arm, causing heads to turn.  You think it is so sexy when he walks around outside without his shirt on, showing off that sixpack.  You like that he can start a conversation with anyone and become instant buddies.  He likes that you have an opinion on every subject. It's going to be like that forever. Right!

Wouldn't it be great....

• if ten years down the line, both of you still enjoyed those things about each other? 
• if you could still chuckle at the occasional "fall in" or that he doesn't roll his eyes the hundredth (ok, thousandth) time that you asked what's the difference between interception and interference?
• if he was still proud to have you on his arm even though you gained a few extra pounds during the years?
• if you still thought it was cute to watch him cut the grass without his shirt on even though the sixpack abs has been replaced with the six pack beers?
• if you still found it a gift that he could befriend anyone, even other women?
• if he still enjoyed listening to your detailed and long winded chatter?

It's funny.  Sometimes the things we found attractive and appealing, can be the very ones that wind up annoying us, months or years into a relationship. How do we avoid that? Maybe I don't know the whole answer but I think I know part of it.

Before I give my opinion, let me say that I'm definitely not a love guru. I have made many, many mistakes in the past, huge and big ones. I am doubly sure that I will make a few more in my lifetime. However, it is through mistakes we learn and grow. I wasn't very open to the idea of a long distance relationship when my guy decided to move halfway around the world because of a once in a lifetime job offer.  Ok, it wasn't halfway around the world, it just seemed like it. Maybe it wasn't a once in a lifetime job offer either, but it would have been crazy to pass it up.  But, if anything this long distance between my guy and myself has taught me, it is to be appreciative.

I am appreciative of all his little quirks and idiosyncrasies.  I have become more accepting. I know that I can't change him. I can't change the fact that he doesn't like talking on the phone.  I can't change the fact that he likes to go out to listen to music and have a drink (ha! sure, I say, just one) every so often (can you believe that he has fun without me?!). I can't change the fact that he doesn't like to talk about his emotions much (not as often as I do!).  But, you know what? I don't want to change him.  I love him just as he is.  So, I accept those things. He is who he is, just as I am who I am. We have to accept the differences in one another.  However, that doesn't mean that we can't talk about them nor does it mean that we can't make compromises.

Generally, though, I think acceptance is the key.  We have to accept that we are not always going to "like" each other.  Yet, we still love one another.  I don't like that he goes out and has a great time without me, but I don't stop loving him. I don't like that he doesn't tell me often (is every day too often? just joking!!) how special I am to him and how much he misses me, but I still love him. It's also recognizing that the differences in one another can make a relationship stronger. You take from those differences and learn from one another. For instance, I have learned that it is ok to go out with your friends and have a good time, every once and awhile.  Of course, all within reason and not doing anything to disrespect your partner or your relationship. By doing things with friends from time to time, or taking on a new hobby, I don't lose myself in the relationship. It, in turn, strengthens my relationship because I am not dependent solely on my guy for my happiness.

Maybe, just maybe, because we can be accepting of the differences in each other, and even accepting of the changes that will come with time and life (hair loss, ear hair, wrinkles, weight gain), we can be one of those miracles. I look forward to spending a lifetime looking at my guy and loving every second of it. Plus, I know that if he loses his hair, it's probably due to the headaches I give him, and if he gains weight, it's because of the takeout food that we enjoy. Unfortunately, I can't take credit for wrinkles and ear hair!