Acceptance

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.  Sam Levenson

Isn't this so true? Those first few weeks and months of a new relationship, you are so engrossed in each other.  Everything is cute and adorable.  You overlook the fact that he leaves the toilet seat up causing you to "fall in" when it's your time to go. He takes time to explain his favorite sport and enjoys answering the questions that surely arise, even if it is the second or third time doing so. He enjoys taking you out, looking beautiful on his arm, causing heads to turn.  You think it is so sexy when he walks around outside without his shirt on, showing off that sixpack.  You like that he can start a conversation with anyone and become instant buddies.  He likes that you have an opinion on every subject. It's going to be like that forever. Right!

Wouldn't it be great....

• if ten years down the line, both of you still enjoyed those things about each other? 
• if you could still chuckle at the occasional "fall in" or that he doesn't roll his eyes the hundredth (ok, thousandth) time that you asked what's the difference between interception and interference?
• if he was still proud to have you on his arm even though you gained a few extra pounds during the years?
• if you still thought it was cute to watch him cut the grass without his shirt on even though the sixpack abs has been replaced with the six pack beers?
• if you still found it a gift that he could befriend anyone, even other women?
• if he still enjoyed listening to your detailed and long winded chatter?

It's funny.  Sometimes the things we found attractive and appealing, can be the very ones that wind up annoying us, months or years into a relationship. How do we avoid that? Maybe I don't know the whole answer but I think I know part of it.

Before I give my opinion, let me say that I'm definitely not a love guru. I have made many, many mistakes in the past, huge and big ones. I am doubly sure that I will make a few more in my lifetime. However, it is through mistakes we learn and grow. I wasn't very open to the idea of a long distance relationship when my guy decided to move halfway around the world because of a once in a lifetime job offer.  Ok, it wasn't halfway around the world, it just seemed like it. Maybe it wasn't a once in a lifetime job offer either, but it would have been crazy to pass it up.  But, if anything this long distance between my guy and myself has taught me, it is to be appreciative.

I am appreciative of all his little quirks and idiosyncrasies.  I have become more accepting. I know that I can't change him. I can't change the fact that he doesn't like talking on the phone.  I can't change the fact that he likes to go out to listen to music and have a drink (ha! sure, I say, just one) every so often (can you believe that he has fun without me?!). I can't change the fact that he doesn't like to talk about his emotions much (not as often as I do!).  But, you know what? I don't want to change him.  I love him just as he is.  So, I accept those things. He is who he is, just as I am who I am. We have to accept the differences in one another.  However, that doesn't mean that we can't talk about them nor does it mean that we can't make compromises.

Generally, though, I think acceptance is the key.  We have to accept that we are not always going to "like" each other.  Yet, we still love one another.  I don't like that he goes out and has a great time without me, but I don't stop loving him. I don't like that he doesn't tell me often (is every day too often? just joking!!) how special I am to him and how much he misses me, but I still love him. It's also recognizing that the differences in one another can make a relationship stronger. You take from those differences and learn from one another. For instance, I have learned that it is ok to go out with your friends and have a good time, every once and awhile.  Of course, all within reason and not doing anything to disrespect your partner or your relationship. By doing things with friends from time to time, or taking on a new hobby, I don't lose myself in the relationship. It, in turn, strengthens my relationship because I am not dependent solely on my guy for my happiness.

Maybe, just maybe, because we can be accepting of the differences in each other, and even accepting of the changes that will come with time and life (hair loss, ear hair, wrinkles, weight gain), we can be one of those miracles. I look forward to spending a lifetime looking at my guy and loving every second of it. Plus, I know that if he loses his hair, it's probably due to the headaches I give him, and if he gains weight, it's because of the takeout food that we enjoy. Unfortunately, I can't take credit for wrinkles and ear hair!