Middle of the Week happenings

I can't believe it's almost Wednesday! The time seems to be flying by, doesn't it? My days at my current job are dwindling down.  I still feel guilty but I am getting more excited with each day.  I have been creating these manuals trying to explain everything I do in detail, including screen shots when possible. I have even organized all my electronic files and emails into folders. It makes me feel better knowing that I am not leaving them completely in the dark.  Short timer, I am.

The last couple of days I have found myself more melancholy than usual.  I should know better! I saw that movie, Love Happens, over the weekend. A mushy, romantic movie will do it to me every time. Torture it is but I still go pay my $9.50 and sit there by myself.  Actually, this time, I dragged my son and his girlfriend to see it with me.  Not much dragging on her part but I could hear him grumbling over there.  I was glad I didn't sit next to him! I left the theater missing my guy even more (yep, it's possible!!) and daydreaming that he would magically show up on my door step professing his undying love and how he can't live without me. Hey, hope and dreams are wonderful things!

Anyway, these are the two books I am currently reading, Every Women's Battle by Shannon Ethridge, and When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric & Leslie Ludy.  As you can tell, one is a bit worn. I have read it several times over now, always getting something new out of it (I'm sorry, I know it's not good grammar to end a sentence with it).  I like these books because they have thought provoking questions and they are both centered on the Bible.  I am considering writing about some of the points that I find interesting. If anyone has read either of these, drop me a line to let me know what your thoughts are on them.

 

       

The Game

It's Saturday night and here I am. I had planned to watch the Purdue/Notre Dame game and drink some wine. Instead, I find myself watching the game and reflecting on the past week during the commercials. Poor Purdue, they're having it a little rough right now.  They're missing their tackles and not scoring. Yet, there is hope. Why?  They're at home, in their stadium and they have their fans standing behind them, cheering them on. Anything is possible.

My week was a bit like that. It began with me having to walk into my bosses office to turn in my resignation.  I felt guilty. Like most, I hate letting others down. I considered putting it off until later in the week, but as I sat at my desk, God gave me a big shot of courage. I knew I had to do it right then and there. As the week progressed, my news was spread to my team and throughout the office.  The phone calls and emails began expressing surprise and sadness.  Of course, it feels great to know that you are wanted and will be missed, but for me, it only deepened the guilt. So, when I walked out the door Thursday, it felt like a weight had been lifted...at least, until Monday. I guess it'll be like that until my last day.

Plans are made to be changed, right?  Yesterday, when I woke up, I didn't plan on having my day end in the emergency room.  Actually, my plans were to have lunch with my oldest son and at some point, go hang out at the museum. Instead, I received that dreaded phone call from school.  The one that goes something like, "I'm sorry, your son has been in an accident and needs to go to the emergency room", and gets your heart racing. Thankfully, it wasn't too serious. What a guy, he's milking it with the girls, getting their sympathy and such.  (Is that innate or learned??)

I realize just how blessed I am.  The economy is horrible right now, jobs are hard to come by and the competition is fierce.  Yet, I was fortunate to have an opportunity pretty much handed to me.  Then, even more importantly, my son was very blessed that his injury could be taken care of with just stitches.  No concussion or anything worse.  Thank God!!

Purdue almost had it.  They came back strong in the end and gave it their best shot.  They didn't plan on losing the game.  Yet, even through it all, they had their fans rooting for them. They didn't give up hope.  Like them, there are things that come our way and our plans are changed.  Sometimes it's for the better. Other times, it may be hard to see any good. We forget our biggest fan is standing right next to us...God, our Father. He also puts others in our lives to cheer us on, just in case we overlook that He is there.  In my case, my guy (who happens to be at the Purdue/Notre Dame game....why else would I be watching it??)

Anything is possible............   

Decay & Renewal

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16

Pretty poignant, wouldn't you say? On one hand, it is a bit depressing.  Think about it. Every day that passes, our bodies are decaying more and more. Today for instance, I was working out, and I swear I heard my knees making a funny noise as I lunged. It was like a door that needed to be oiled. Then, there is the other tell tale sign - gray hair! I guess I need to get to the hairstylist pretty soon to cover those up. I really am not afraid of growing older but my body rotting or crumbling....well, that isn't a good vision.

On the other hand, our inner self being renewed day by day is something to be joyous about. I like the idea of being transformed more in the image of God and being empowered with His grace on a daily basis. It gives me the strength to carry on each day.

So, in short, the longer we live, the more we have to die to self, in every way.  By doing so, we get closer to the journey's end and final reward...being with God.

Looking at it that way, I guess I can gladly look forward to glasses, dentures and arthritis.      

The Why Question

As I drove in to work this morning, I had the same conversation that I have with God on a daily basis.  You know, the one that goes something along the lines, "Why can't this happen yet? Why do I have to be patient? Why does it have to be this way? Why?" I am sure He is probably as tired of hearing it as I am tired of wondering it.  But, I can't seem to help it, I still ask. (Shame on me!!)

Today, as most days, my frustration was with the distance between my guy and myself.  I was remembering what it was like to wake up beside him, sometimes opening my eyes before him and just gazing upon his sleepy form.  I always had that desire to just reach out and run my hands through his hair.  Instead, afraid of waking him up, I would chose to watch the way his body moved with his every breath, ever so slowly rising and falling.  I would listen to the soft moans that escaped through his lips. Ok, I have it bad!! Did I tell you that I really dislike this distance?!

As I was remembering all of this and trying to remind myself that the reasons we are apart are good ones, God must have thumped me on the head.  All of a sudden, I had this little thought...there has to be some reasons to be thankful for the distance, even little, itty, bitty ones.

So, after much thought, I came up with these.....

My reasons to be thankful for our long distance relationship:

• I don't have to wonder if I'll scare him if I don't have my makeup on
• I don't have to try to look my best all day long
• I don't have to shave every day
• I can lay in bed, eatting chocolate candy in frumpy clothes (yes, I have some!), and watch Lifetime without being laughed at if tears start to fall  
• I can burp out loud if I want (hey, it's fun sometimes to be like a guy!)
• I don't have to think twice about going to the restroom
• I can use all the toilet paper I want!!
• I don't have to worry if he knows that I am PMS'ing (the truth is, he can tell even over the phone but I pretend that he has no clue)
• I can be bloaty and crampy (again, PMS) and not have to try to hold in my belly or try to fit into my skinny clothes
• I can have a zit break out without being terribly conscious of it
• I can eat my hot corn, chili, parmesan cheese and mayonnaise mixture without grossing him out
• I can be lazy on the weekends and wake up as late as I want (like when I was a teenager!)
• I can have a dirty car (in my defense, it's been really clean the last few months)

Good reasons, eh?

Still, still....why, oh why, do we have to be apart??

Beginnings.....

Where do I start?  I guess, I'll begin with the title, LifeBoat Tales.  Why did I choose that? Well, the shortest definition of a lifeboat is a boat used for rescue.  I prefer the more extended version...a strong, seaworthy boat kept in readiness on the shore for use in rescuing people in danger of drowning. 

There have been times in my life where I have felt just like that....either that I am drowning or that I am in need of rescue.  For me, the lifeboat symbolizes God. I know that no matter how rough the waters may seem, that He will save me.  However, I don't just want my relationship with God to be one where I turn to Him in hard times. Instead, I want a deep, personal, intimate relationship with Him. I want to be able to talk to Him, really share my life with Him. You know, all the nitty gritty details, all the things I try to hide from myself and others.  Those little thoughts that sometimes you have, the ones you wonder, "where did that come from?!" I realize that He knows everything inside and out about me, without me having to utter a word, but I want to be able to face Him with who I really am.

So, I'll be writing all about that. My quest for an intimate relationship with God and the ways that I am seeking Him out. Yet, there is another side to all of this. It kind of goes hand and hand with my quest.

I am in love.  I am in love with a wonderful, awesome man. I could go on and on about him but there'll be plenty of time for that. I am sure, in time, you'll be like, "get together already and save us!" As in any relationship, there are issues, right?  Well, our biggest one happens to be distance.  I couldn't tell you how many miles apart we are because I have no clue (directions, miles - it doesn't matter, we are apart!) but it's pretty darn far.  Many times, I have to depend on my lifeboat to rescue me when it seems unbearable. And, believe me, that happens more often than I like.  However, it does make one more appreciative of what they have. It's almost been one year that he moved and it's only through my faith in God, as well as my faith in our relationship and in my boyfriend, that I can see past the distance.  It hasn't been easy, and not always smooth sailing, but we have made it thus far. 

As I said, for me, it all goes together.  I can't have one without the other. So, my writings will be about both and about much.  There are so many intricate details in life, right? It isn't ever about just one thing.

    

Under construction...